A rude awakening
by BigB27
Summary: Nate and Dante have been hired to locate a diamond in India, But with Nate's usually luck things don't go as planned, no thanks to Dante wanting to take the scenic route. Based on a quote heard in Uncharted Golden Abyss. Oneshot, rated M for language.


A Rude Awakening 

Nate and Dante were sitting in a café in India. On the table they were sitting at was two cups of coffee and a map. Both Drake and Dante were sweating like crazy. The hot Indian sun was beating down on the building. The café was rather shoddy, no air conditioning, flies hovering about, and more black dirt than a fire place. The coffee was basically hot water with brown food coloring, Nate decided against putting any milk in it due to the evident unhygienic conditions in the place. Even with five packets of sugar, it still tasted bland. Dante still put milk in ignoring Nate's warning. Milk only made his coffee taste worse. The dairy had clearly expired due to the strong sour taste.

They were both scanning the map when Dante took a sip of coffee. He grimaced in disgust, his face then turned bright red. "Why do we have to drink coffee in this Shithole? I've been to dumps cleaner than this place?" Dante complained. "I told you Dante we need to keep a low profile. And what better place than in a rundown coffee shop?" Nate replied. "Damn it Nate I've bitten into a lemon sweeter than this coffee! And besides we're two white guys in a coffee shop that clearly only poor locals go to. We'd blend in better in Starbucks!"Dante shouted. "Ah what's the matter? Is little Dante cranky for not getting enough sleep? Looks like you need your pacifier, shame you left it in the hotel." Nate joked. This only made Dante madder. "Shut up Nate! This coffee cost five rupees; I've bought a toothpick worth more than this." Dante said. "Must've been a fancy toothpick, judging how you'd rather buy a sixty dollar pair of crocs when you could get the same thing for five at a gardening store." Nate said. "Alright enough with your stupid jokes, can we please just discuss the route we'll take." Dante retaliated.

"Okay, the quickest way to the temple is to drive through the jungle, along here" Nate explained pointing on the map. "But Nate that's boring, we've come all the way here to India so I want to take the scenic route." Dante said. "Scenic route?" Nate said confused. "Yeah, go along this way so we can see the waterfall, then we go this way to see some nice lakes, then we go here to see the Taj Mahal." Dante said as he pointed to different parts of the map. "What are you crazy? This route goes completely the wrong way. What would take a couple hours would take an entire day." Nate said angrily. "As I said, we've come all the way here so we might as well see a few things, get our money's worth you know." Dante said. "We're not here on vacation Dante; we're here to retrieve the diamond of Ramayan for Mister Patel, And the longer we screw around, the more likely a rival will find the diamond first." Nate said.

"It was your stupid idea to go to this crappy coffee shop! It was your stupid idea to stay at some crappy bed and breakfast rather than the Hilton! And it was your stupid idea to rent an old jeep rather than an Audi range rover! You've made all these dumb decisions so I get to make one! And we're taking the scenic route!" Dante demanded. "Jeez calm down, we'll take the stupid scenic route you big baby." Nate said agitated. "Good, now go to the store and pick up some water." Dante ordered. "Want me to get some Tampax too? It's clearly your time of the month." Nate joked. "Shut up." Dante said bluntly.

Nate and Dante had gotten lost taking the scenic route. The spoiled milk that Dante had drunk was now taking its effect. "Nate I need a bathroom now! My stomach is gurgling like crazy." Dante shouted. "We're lost in the middle of the jungle; it could be hours until we find a bathroom." Nate said. "We don't have hours I need a bathroom now!"Dante shouted even louder. "I told you not to drink that milk, and I told you we shouldn't take the scenic route." Nate said. "Pull over! I have to go now!"Dante screamed. Nate stopped the car and Dante jumped out, he ran into to the jungle and then Nate could only hear silence. Ten minutes past when Nate heard Dante screaming for help. What has he done now Nate thought to himself.

Nate walked into the jungle and saw 3 Indian men; one was holding Dante, The second one had a gun to Dante's head, while the third was shouting in Hindi. "Nate help, these men just grabbed me and now they won't let me go." Dante was panicking. "Hi do any of you speak English?" Nate asked them. There was no reply. "Ah crap" Nate said. "Nate you have to get them off of me."Dante shouted. "And how do you expect me to do that? They have guns." Nate questioned. "I dunno just do something!" shouted Dante. Two more men came; one pointed a gun at Nate while the other started speaking.

"You have come onto my private property, and you have defiled it with your excrements!" The man shouted."This is a massive insult to me and now you will face the consequences!" "Look sir, this is just a big misunderstanding, me and my friend are just tourists, we wanted to take a scenic route but my friend drank bad milk and we got lost. He couldn't hold it in" Nate explained. "Tourists? Ha, you are way too close to my property to be tourists. There is nothing worth seeing for miles." The man screamed angrily. "Look sir if you'd just let me-"Nate was hit on the head before he could finish the sentence.

Nate awoke with a banging head and extremely thirsty. Nate groaned and looked around. He was behind the Taj Mahal. "Oh Great," Nate said. The Temple was in the completely opposite direction of the Taj Mahal. Nate then stood up, but he was shocked when he looked down. "Oh crap!" Nate was completely naked. He only had his watch and ring on. But the Taj Mahal is one of the most touristy places in India. There would be at least a hundred people around. And it was broad daylight. Nate checked his watch, 12:00pm. There was no way he could wait for sunset, Nate then started sneaking around in the bushes, hoping to find something to cover himself. Surprisingly there was a towel on the floor, it was dirty and absolutely stank, but it was better than nothing.

He wrapped the towel around his waist and got out of the bushes. As he walked through the crowded courtyard everyone stared at him. People began pointing and laughing. Nate's cheeks were redder than a cherry tomato. He stared at the ground walking straight for the exit. Nate then heard a northern English accent "Excuse mister, where are ya clothes?" a boy of about 10 asked. "I don't know" Nate replied. "You don't know? Why are ya walking around naked in a place as crowded as this?" The boy asked. "Look kid, some mean men knocked me out and I woke up here naked. I was lucky to find this towel." Nate said with little patience. "Oh, sorry to hear that, here's some rupees, I hope they help. Gotta run" The boy said handing Nate a clump of notes and then walked back to his family. There was 800 rupees, which was about 15 bucks. Not a lot but hopefully enough to get some clothes.

Nate then walked to the nearest clothing stall. They had loads of novelty shirts with cheesy jokes on them, but the only bottoms they sold were cloths called a dhoti that resembled a skirt. Nate looked ridiculous in his skirt and I love India t-shirt, but it was either look ridiculous or get arrested. Nate found a payphone where had made a collect call to Mister Patel explaining what had happened. Mister Patel was so angry that he fired him and hung up. Nate also tried calling Dante but got no answer. "Great, now I'm stranded in India with no money, no friends and I am not getting paid for this whole fiasco." Nate said out loud.

Nate then called Sully; He heard Sully's gruff voice as he picked up the phone "Hello, who is this?" Sully asked disoriented. "Sully its Nate." Nate said "Nate what the hell are you doing calling me this early in the morning?" Sully asked. "Look Sully, it's a long story, let's just say things didn't go as planned and I need you to wire me some cash." Nate explained. "Again Nate, what happened this time?" Sully asked. "All I'll say is I'm stranded by the Taj Mahal wearing a skirt and an I love India shirt." Nate said, but heard Sully chuckle over the phone.

After Sully wired Nate some money, Nate got a bus to Delhi where he met one of Sully's friends that flew him back to Los Angeles. Sully's friend mocked Nate's outfit but he was flying him back to the US so he couldn't complain. Sully met Nate at the cargo section of LAX. Sully went into a fit of uncontrollable laughter when he saw Nate's clothes. "You look like a teenage girl who went on vacation to India and wanted all her peers to know." Sully chuckled. "Anyway you wanna fill me on the details?"Sully asked. I'll tell you at my apartment." Nate said.

After Nate had a shower and put on some decent clothes he told Sully the whole story. "Wow that Dante's a dingbat."Sully said. "I know I could've avoided the whole thing had he just listened to me."Nate replied. "I wonder what happened to him anyway. Maybe you should check your email, and Facebook, see if he sent you a message." Sully Suggested. Nate then opened his laptop to no avail. "Nope nothing, it's his own fault wherever he is."Nate said. "Definitely, let's watch the packer's game; they're playing the forty niners so it's big." Sully said grabbing a couple of beers from the fridge.

A few weeks later Nate received an angry call from Dante, asking why he abandoned him and what not. The Indian man had made Dante his house slave for the past few weeks, Dante claimed he had to do unspeakable things, Nate told him it was his own fault but let Dante unload. Although the man was a complete moron he had funded many of Nate's expeditions, but now he had one over Dante for the next expedition.

Fin-


End file.
